Misdirection
Main Idea
treatment for project x, “misdirection”
planetary travel is not a flying through the vastness of the void proposition, the void stretches and stretches and the speed of light aint all that fast. So there’s got to be another way. The tangled dimensions are the only option. the tangled dimensions are knots in space time left over from collapsing singularities or whatever, anyway they offer immediate annhiliation of distance and time for those able to navigate them.
There’s this character, lets call him X. X is a player, but held in reserve. That means he isn’t in control of his destiny, he is a weapon of sorts but kept under lock and key metaphorically, actually it would be more accurate to call him a mine, buried or submerged in some ancient war and never triggered. Age after age he arrives, matures and dies. his extensive powers manifest in a stunted fashion because circumstances have never turned him on. He senses his own potential, but is powerless to realize it. Only circumstances can make him burn.
we are all weapons of one sort or another, countering one another according to our design. a planet of breathing bombs, waiting to be armed and fired. we are happiest when we are executing our prime function.
sounds start with alarm and voices, we have a situation, now, yes now, scramble, get someone prepped they moved on us, they are going for the paradox, whose on call in research, pull everything now – ok standby, ready insertion, 3, 2, 1…
christina is sitting on her couch alone in her apartment when her phone rings. She answers. hello? christina? yes? this is your uncle joe. she looks down at her caller ID, it says uncle joe. ok uncle joe, but uh, your dead. look christi, this isn’t a joke ok. I don’t want to scare you. I am at your front door, and I want to talk to you. I know this seems strange, but believe me it’s important. uncle joe, or whoever, this is kind of wierd, but you really do sound like uncle joe. christi, just relax and open the door. ok here i come, i am opening the door. at the door stands an older man, looking fresh and full of vigor. wow shit, um, you look great uncle joe, you look like you did before the cancer. Actually christi, i am actually not your uncle joe, my name is melchior. I just assumed the appearance of your uncle joe because you two had such a solid connection. I do need to talk to you, can i come in? yes uh, melchior, are you an angel, or what? sure that’s what i am, an angel from heaven christi, and well, we have a little emergency – that’s why i am here. wow, that’s amazing. shit. sorry. shit. sorry. christie calm down. this is all happening fast i know, but i wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t vitally important. ok, i am ok. what’s the deal? well you know about jesus right, son of god? he was born the usual way, his mother was mary. well you are going to give birth to the daughter of god. really? yep. that’s amazing, is it because I’m uh lesbian? no actually, it’s not, and technically you are bisexual, but that’s just trivia. Was mary a lesbian too? Listen Christina, there isn’t time right now, we’ve got to move this scenario forward. ok, so super, i am all over this. OK so did god already, you know give me the old cosmic shtuping or does that come later? actually, god has decided to create a daughter in the usual way, one man one woman. That way when you give birth to the daughter of god, humans everywhere will realize that they carry divinty within them, it’ll be twice the miracle. Wow, cool, but that means I’ve got to find a boyfriend? Men kind of bother me. Christi, we’ve got this handled. Here, check this… he sticks a tape into the vcr and turns on the TV. That’s him. the TV shows a man on the screen, sitting on the couch reading a book. He looks thin and poorly maintained. Is he a hebrephrenic or what? Couldn’t you find a more appealing moment to show me? Christi this is a live feed. but you stuck a tape in. I know – it’s just a metaphor to jive with your mortal mileau, trust me, it’s a live feed. Hey that’s the guy down the hall. That’s right christi, and you’ve got to seduce him. what if he isn’t attracted to me? look, you’ve got to get him to make love to you and have an orgasm inside you without protection. that’s what I am here to tell you. Your a woman, make it happen. the daughter of god, really? really. you’ve got to get him to do you. rejection is not an option. now? right now, immediately. ok. great! once you’ve made this happen, i’ll be back to talk with both of you. he loves women and he likes you. he’s a rabbit and your a dog, good energy for each other. now go!
zombie’s listening to language tapes, wife rumaging in fridge, then serves up a hand. she kisses him on the head, then spits out some fragments of soil and hair. cut to interview, zombie in the background, well he’s quiet, he’s a great listener. we’re from the same town, before resurrection he was married to a woman who drank, so his first life wasn’t very easy. I just want to give him a little happiness this time around. How are your sexual relations? smiling shyly, well he’s a good lover actually! the born again – you’ve seen them walking, they are pretty stiff in general, (she does a little demonstration, walking stiffly and well (shyly) that’s true in bed too. I have no complaints. Pull back and tag line fades in “Zombies, not so bad after all.”
president of the undead or guys speak their mind
switch to zombie president at podium moaning. pull back from TV screen and 3 guys watching TV.
guy 1 i can’t believe this guy got elected, he’s a zombie – jesus! guy 2 ever since the dead started coming back to life, well folks feel vulnerable. guy 1 so why vote for a zombie? I mean, that’s just stupid! guy 3 The election was totally rigged. electronic voting machines with proprietary code? i mean c’mon! guy 2 so you feel someone is controlling the zombie, like who? the 7 richest families, the illuminati. lizards from the 4th dimension? science fiction! you are so paranoid. get a life! guy 3 do you really think americans are that stupid? the guy’s a zombie! he’s a walking hardon, his brain is all puddled up and slurping around in his skull, all he thinks about is consuming the flesh of the living. Why would anyone vote for a him/it? He’s obviously been installed by someone, the question is who? guy 1 so why doesn’t someone put a bullet through his skull, that’s the way to handle zombies. guy 3 yeah but they’d just find another zombie, we’ve got to figure out whose running the show. guy 2, you guys, this is america, land of the fries, poeple are gonna vote for whoever makes them feel safe. We’ve got a zombie problem and this guy’s a zombie. So poeple figure he can deal with them on their own turf, zombie to zombie. guy 3 look we’ve got a leaky border with mexico, but you don’t see folks electing illegal mexicans to office? guy 2 well they hardly ever run. guy 1 it’s insane, all he does is moan. guy 2 It’s just the american way, no mystery. no spooky conspiracies. guy 3 your advocating the ignorant electorate model, and I am advocating the defacto coup. either way we are fucked. guy 1 yep. guy 2 yep. guy 3 well what else is on. silence guy 2 i am going to go buy a gun. guy 3 take mine. guy 1 listen man, violence is the last refuge of the incompetant. did seldon hardin say that? no it was the mayor of new york. you’re thinking about cities in flight. uh, i get those character mixed up. we hear automatic rifle fire in the distance. fade
love among the undead – a couple sits on the roof of a building talking. i think it was when i first saw you i knew… he hears a moan on the street below, rolls over and shoulders his rifle we see a zombie walking down the street, dressed in a tattered business suit. he fires the zombie goes down. they continue to romance. more zombies come, they peg them one by one. pretty soon the street is littered with bodies. we notice some odd details. there’s a mother zombie pushing a pram with a baby zombie, pop, pop, they both go down. zombies arrive in police cars, pop pop, they are down. it goes on and on until a helicopter arrives. through a bull horn we hear more moans. they fire up at the helicopter, it swoops up out of range. troop transports arrive, zombie infantry stumbles out and moves toward the house. moans unghh! they couple on the roof kiss, then, let’s get out of here. they climb down a hatch, there’s the sound of automatic gunfire and moans, squealing tires, credits.
tommy turley
treatment for subway
going down?
in a minute, I’m waiting for a call.
who from
my lady
she sweet?
something else, mmm, mmm, mmm.
your lucky
the drive to know
my god, are you still staring into that thing? What about TV, wouldn’t you rather be watching TV? How about a nice game? Look mom, I know I am little unusual, I am not like every other teenage, but you know how this all started, I have to finish it.
agent
Agent Sidalla has been recruited to think for himself. The situation has been explained to him, evidence has been presented. There is knowledge he cannot ignore. The extraordinary nature of the situation is beyond his comfort zone, he knows too much. He can no longer follow the commands of his superiors so he follows his oath – to protect the constitution and serve the poeple. He is a renegade in process of becoming fully human. Formerly of the FBI.
“everybody stand down. hook, charles, thomas, get in the van. Uh neidermeyer, you too. i am not taking neidermeyer as a hostage, i am taking him as an agent, so he can keep in contact with you and report in. i suggest you do not pass his reports on to my former superiors. This is my little speech, ok? I am supposed to be crazy, some kind of nut case who must be stopped, a charismatic madman totally off the reservation, right? let me tell you what i am doing, i am doing my job. i no longer serve the agency or any branch of this government, because it’s totally fucked. i serve the constitution and the poeple, that’s all. i suggest you think about who and what you serve, about the oath you took.
i’m leaving now. do not try to chase me. linda, cut the valves off these tires. Uh, I am going to ask that your communication be disabled please… now! (radios and cells crackle and sizzle a little) (embarrassed) i did not do that, ok, that was someone on my team who – you can’t see . there’s more here than i can explain, but it’s simple. what’s your job? have a little talk amongst yourselves. neidermeyer will report in, let you know what’s going on. that’s the deal. tell Max i’m sorry i had to bang his head on the ground, tell him i am looking forward to seeing him again under more friendly circumstances. Let’s go.